Current mood:

cynical

I'd like to lay to rest the subject of alcoholism.
Main Entry: al·co·hol·ism
Pronunciation: 'al-k&-"ho-"li-z&m, -k&-h&-
Function: noun
Date: 1860
1 : continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks
2 : poisoning by alcohol; especially : a complex chronic psychological and nutritional disorder associated with excessive and usually compulsive drinking

First of all, let's look at this definition from Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary shall we?

1) "Excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks". I neither use excessive amounts of alcohol, nor feel compelled in any way to use it. My use of alcohol is my privilege and my right as a 21 year old citizen of the state of California, and I do so by choice with the full knowledge of its side effects and potential dangers. I have been sick once from alcohol, six months ago on New Years' Eve, and consider that event a valuable learning experience that taught me my tolerance limit and the sensation of being ill from too much booze - a sensation i do not enjoy and pragmatically refuse to allow myself to experience again.

2) "poisoning by alcohol; especially : a complex chronic psychological and nutritional disorder associated with excessive and usually compulsive drinking"

Complex implies that the problem is not as simple as you fuckstick armchair psychologists seem to think it is. Frank is the only person I know of who is either certifiably qualified or has the proper experience to even begin to make a judgement call on this situation, and his opinion is the ONLY one I'd consider listening to because, frankly, I think the rest of you are full of shit. It's not a manner of "wanting to listen" it's a matter of "You're talking out of your ass". I, and others see these accusations of alcoholism as another bullet in your guns, solely for the purpose of making me look bad. "Justin, you have issues! Here they are... A, B, C, and you're an alcoholic!" I'm not afraid to name names, and I will right now say that Cynthia is the one who started this and it's been an issue between us for aeons.

I can name other people who drink far more than I do, on a much more frequent basis. People you all know, perhaps even people who have been accusing me anonymously on this journal.

My personal definition of an alcoholic is someone whose use of alcohol detrimentally affects their life, or the lives of others as a result of its intoxicating effects. My consumption of alcohol occasionally during the weekdays (technically my weekNIGHTS - both my roommates can testify I've never had more than a Jack-cocktail, hard lemonade, or a beer (occasionally two, if I can stand that many and it's quality)) has never impaired my job, my health, or any other aspect of my life beyond occasionally being unable to drive places because I'd rather not get pulled over on a DUI thank you very fucking much. I don't beat my wife or kids, I don't get in bar brawls, I don't yell at the neighbors, puke in the street, or for chrissakes even walk around in public intoxicated. ONE TIME the security guard at the apartment saw me carrying a bottle of Bass to-and-from my car (fetching my laptop) and let me know I wasn't allowed to carry beer around in public - even though it was past 10:00 pm. We had a good laugh about it.

Yes, I talk about alcohol. I enjoy good beer, good wine, good mixed drinks, and the pleasant feeling of a perfect buzz. I drink plenty of water and eat plenty of food when I drink, so I don't wake up with a hangover, or vomit violently. As a matter of fact, I've never had a hangover that I've been aware of - any worse than the occasional case of drymouth.

I work with alcoholics. Frank works with alcoholics. Michael works with alcoholics. I would like to think I know the signs of alcoholism fairly well, as do my two co-workers, and I will tell you right now, that I am not an alcoholic and I never will be. I have too much respect for myself to allow something so stupid to happen, and it's that respect for myself that's allowing me to tell everyone unquestionably that this is a bullshit accusation with no foundation in reality.

This is my closure on this subject. I will regard any future references to my being an alcoholic as the trash-talk it is, and would hope that those of you who are able to think logically and aren't just out to rail me for whatever reason will also see the same.